superspa

Korean Recipe List - Beef Bone Soup

2010-08-18T09:09:00.001-07:00

Cooking Time : 30 mins
Total Calories : 620 kcal
Serving Size : 4

INGREDIENT

One of the four legbones of a beef : 1 piece
Beef bones(miscellaneous) : 11 oz
Meat on the kneebone of a beef : 1 piece
Brisket of beef : 1 1/3 lbs
Green onion : 2 stalks
Garlic : 6 cloves
Korean noodles : 7 oz
Salt
Pepper
Water

METHOD

1. Soak one of the four legbones of a beef and miscellaneous beef bones cut into pieces in cold
water for about 2 hours to remove blood. Replace the water 2 or 3 times.
2. Trim and wash the meat on the kneebone and the brisket of beef.
3. Put the bones in a big kettle. Add enough water and boil. When the water becomes a little
black and bubbles form, pour out the boiled water. Then boil again after pouring 20 cups of
water.
4. Put the meat, green onion(1 stalk) and garlic in the boiling water. Keep boiling them with the
lid of the kettle off. Then simmer them over low heat until well done.
5. Slice the well done meat.
6. Put the noodles in the boiling water until they become soft. Rinse them with cold water and
drain them thoroughly.
7. For serving put the noodles in the boiling broth to warm and transfer to Korean earthenware
bowls. Put the sliced meat and the minced green onion on them and pour the broth. Serve the
salt and the pepper together for seasoning. This dish goes well with the dish which is mentioned
behind.

Korean Recipe List - Beef Bone Soup

2010-08-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sweet Rice Nectar - Shikhye

2009-11-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

INGREDIENT

One of the four legbones of a beef : 1 piece
Beef bones(miscellaneous) : 11 oz
Meat on the kneebone of a beef : 1 piece
Brisket of beef : 1 1/3 lbs
Green onion : 2 stalks
Garlic : 6 cloves
Korean noodles : 7 oz
Salt
Pepper
Water

METHOD

1. Soak one of the four legbones of a beef and miscellaneous beef bones cut into pieces in cold
water for about 2 hours to remove blood. Replace the water 2 or 3 times.
2. Trim and wash the meat on the kneebone and the brisket of beef.
3. Put the bones in a big kettle. Add enough water and boil. When the water becomes a little
black and bubbles form, pour out the boiled water. Then boil again after pouring 20 cups of
water.
4. Put the meat, green onion(1 stalk) and garlic in the boiling water. Keep boiling them with the
lid of the kettle off. Then simmer them over low heat until well done.
5. Slice the well done meat.
6. Put the noodles in the boiling water until they become soft. Rinse them with cold water and
drain them thoroughly.
7. For serving put the noodles in the boiling broth to warm and transfer to Korean earthenware
bowls. Put the sliced meat and the minced green onion on them and pour the broth. Serve the
salt and the pepper together for seasoning. This dish goes well with the dish which is mentioned
behind.
Copyright

Cooking Time : 7 hrs
Total Calories : 1,900 kcal
Serving Size : 15
Korean tradition dictates that shikhye, a
slightly fermented rice nectar should be
drunk during the winter. But nowadays it can
be found all the year round. The key to its
flavor is a good quality barley malt which
gives it much sweetness

Beef Vegetables Casserole - Soikogi Cheonkol

2009-10-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Ingredient

Beef (sirloin, lean) : 7 oz (200 g)
Oriental mushroom (Pyogo mushroom) : 5 pieces
Radish : 1/3 piece
Onion : 1 piece
Carrot : 1/2 piece
Dropwort : 3 1/2 oz (100 g)
Green-bean sprouts : 3 1/2 oz (100 g) (available in Korean stores, optional)
Small green onion : 3 1/2 oz (100 g)
Egg : 1
Water : 3 cups
Green onion : 2 stalks
Garlic : 6 cloves
Soy sauce : 4 tbs
Sesame oil : 2 tbs
Sesame seed, roasted : 1 tb
Pepper
Salt

Method

1. Slice beef and mushrooms in thin strips.
2. Slice radish, onion, and carrot in 2 inches strips. Boil radish and carrot slightly in thin salt
water.
3. Cut small green onions into 2 inches long.
4. Remove the head and root of green-bean sprouts. Boil only their stems slightly in water, then
cut them into 2 inches long.
5. Remove the leaves of dropworts. Boil only their stems slightly in thin salted water. Drain well
and cut them into 2 inches long.
6. Chop green onion and garlic. Put green onion, garlic, soy sauce, sesame oil, salt, and pepper
in a bowl. Mix them well to make seasonings.
7. Spice the beef and the vegetables each with the seasonings.
8. Put the beef and the vegetables by colors in a pan. Add water and boil. When they are almost
done, break and put an egg in the center of the pan. Boil them again until well done.

Cooking Time : 25 mins
Total Calories : 450 kcal
Serving Size : 4

Hi

2009-09-29T03:58:00.003-07:00

in reference to: Images show how bluetooth technology is being developed (view on Google Sidewiki)

Google Sidewiki entry by gvincic@beotel.yu

2009-09-29T03:58:00.001-07:00

in reference to:

"Images show how bluetooth technology is being developed"
- Images show how bluetooth technology is being developed (view on Google Sidewiki)

Ginseng Chicken Soup - Samgye-tang

2009-09-21T23:33:00.001-07:00

Ingredient

Whole chicken (about 1 pound (450 g), cleaned) : 2
Glutinous rice : 1/2 cup (about 100 g)
Jujube (Korean Date), dried : 4
Fresh ginseng (about 5 inches long) : 2
Chestnut : 2
Ginkgo nut : 2
Garlic : 4 cloves
Pepper
Salt

Method

1. Wash the rice thoroughly and drain it.
2. Stuff the chickens with the rice, jujubes, ginsengs, chestnuts, ginkgo nuts, and garlic cloves.
3. Cross and bind the chickens legs with thread to keep the stuffing in.
4. Put the stuffed chickens in the pot. Add 10 cups of water and simmer them over low heat for
about 2 to 3 hours.
5. Transfer the chickens with their broth to the individual bowls. Serve the salt mixed with pepper
in a small bowl as a seasoning dip.

Cooking Time : 3 hrs
Total Calories : 1,668 kcal
Serving Size : 2

Beef Meatball - Soikogi Wanja

2009-09-21T23:29:00.001-07:00

Ingredient

Beef : 1/2 lb
Firm tofu : 1/2 block (about 10 oz)
Flour : 1/2 cup
Garlic : 4 cloves
Green onion : 2 stalks
Sesame oil : 1 ts
Soy sauce : 1 tb
Vinegar : 1 ts
Salad oil
Pepper
Salt
Egg, beaten : 5

Method

1. Squeeze the firm tofu with paper towel or gauze. Mash it finely.
2. Grin the beef. Chop the garlic and the green onion finely.
3. Put the beef, tofu, garlic, green onion, sesame oil, pepper, and salt in a large bowl; mix them
well by hand.
4. Shape the mixture into 1 1/3 inch round patties.
5. Heat the salad oil in a skillet. Dredge the patties in the flour, dip them in the beaten eggs, and
fry them until browned on both sides.
6. When they are warm, serve them with a seasoning dip - the mixture of 1 tablespoon soy
sauce and 1 teaspoon vinegar.

Cooking Time : 25 mins
Total Calories : 350 kcal
Serving Size : 4

Stir-Fried Small Octopus - Nakji Pokkum

2009-09-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

Ingredient

Small octopus (about 8 oz) : 2
Onion : 1 stalk
Green onion : 5 stalks
Green pepper : 2
Red pepper : 2
Hot pepper powder : 1/2 tb
Hot pepper soypaste (kochu-jang) : 2 tbs (available in Korean stores)
Soy sauce : 1 tb
Sesame oil : 1/2 tb
Sugar : 1 ts
Ginger juice : 1/2 ts
Sesame seed, roasted : 1 ts
Salad oil : 1 tb
Salt
Korean Recipe List - Stir-Fried Small Octopus
http://

Method

1. Trim the small octopuses; cut off entrails and eyeballs, careful not to break the sac. Scrub the
octopuses with salt and rinse them under flowing cold water. Cut them 2 inches long by 1/2 inch
wide. Boil them slightly.
2. Cut onion, green onions, and peppers into 2 inch strips.
3. Combine hot pepper powder, hot pepper soypaste, soy sauce, sesame oil, sugar, ginger juice,
and salt in a bowl. Add the boiled octopuses, then mix them well.
4. Heat the salad oil in a skillet, stir-fry the vegetables until almost done. Put the mixture in the
pan and stir-fry it quickly again.
5. When serving, sprinkle roasted sesame seeds

Cooking Time : 25 mins
Total Calories : 450 kcal
Serving Size : 4

Feel Like a Woman

2009-09-20T02:58:00.002-07:00

In a transatlantic flight, the plane passes into a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning and is detatched.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane and yells, "I'm too young to die! But if I'm going to, I want my last minutes to be memorable! I've had plenty of lovers in my life, but none of them has ever made me feel like a woman! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman?"

For a moment there is dead silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman. Then a man stands up at the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a real woman," he says, his voice low and husky.

The man is gorgeous. Tall, well-built, broad shoulders, flowing jet-black hair and soft brown eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he goes, one button at a time. No-one moves. The woman is shaking, breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest and arms as he reaches her. He draws close to her, and as he presses his shirt against her whispers...

"Iron this."

Computer Diagnosis

2009-09-20T02:58:00.001-07:00

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and much cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Give and Take

2009-09-20T02:57:00.003-07:00

A man is walking on the beach when he trips over a lamp. A few seconds later, a genie pops out and says, "I’m required to grant three wishes, but since you did not treat my lamp with respect, I will give twice what you get to the person you hate most—your boss."

The man agrees and makes his first wish: "I want lots of money." Instantly $20 million appears in bags on the beach, and $40 million appears in his boss’ bank account.

Next the man asks for an incredible sports car. Instantly a Lamborghini appears, and at the same moment, two show up outside his boss’ house.

Finally the genie says, "You have but one wish left; you should choose carefully."

The man says, "Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney."

A Colorful Reunion

2009-09-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Selling Bibles

2009-09-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

While checking the church storeroom, the pastor discovered several cases of new Bibles that never had been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise money for the church. Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who always had kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But because he didn't want to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the backseats of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?" Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!" the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, he said, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's the $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "Louie, there's $3,200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?" Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-re-really do-do-do-don't kn-kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-s-said wa-wa-wa-was 'W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-like t-t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-Bible f-f-f-for t-t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks o-o-o-or wo-wo-wo-would yo-yo-yo-you j-j-j-just l-l-l-like m-m-m-me t-t-t-to st-st-st-stand h-h-h-here and r-r-r-read it t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?'"

The Rude Customer

2009-09-20T02:51:00.000-07:00

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been > >withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

Cabbage Salad (Instant Kimchi) - Baechu Gotchori

2009-09-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Ingredient

Celery cabbage : 1 lb (450 g)
Salt : 5 tbs
Green onion, chopped : 2 tbs
Garlic, chopped : 1 tb
Ginger, chopped : 1/2 tb
Hot pepper powder : 1/4 cup
Soy sauce : 1 tb
Sugar : 2 tbs
Salted baby shrimps, chopped : 1 tb (available in Korean stores)
Sesame seed, roasted : 1 ts
Sesame oil : 1/2 ts

Method

1. Take off the cabbage leaves one by one and wash them thoroughly. Sprinkle salt evenly and
set aside 30 minutes.
2. Chop the salted baby shrimps, green onion, garlic, and ginger finely.
3. Wash the salted cabbage leaves and drain them well. Tear them lengthwise in proper size by
hands.
4. Put all seasonings in a bowl. Mix them well by hand, using rubber gloves. Add the torn leaves
and mix them well together. Transfer it to a serving bowl.

Cooking Time : 50 mins
Total Calories : 650 kcal
Serving Size : 4
Together with boiled rice, kimchi
represents one of the basic dishes for
Koreans. Kimchi is a kind of highly
nutritious fermented food with unique flavor
and taste. Kimchi features a mixture of
vegetables, salted sauce, hot pepper and
garlic well treated to create unique flavors.
It varies according to individual liking and
regional tradition.

vERY fUNNY dOGS

2009-08-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Funny Cats

2009-08-26T10:35:00.001-07:00

Funny Animation

2009-08-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Elvis Presley - always on my mind

2009-08-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Through The Wormhole Portal

2009-08-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

Goodness Gracious...

2009-08-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

Korean food recipes-Zucchini Salad - Hobak Namul

2009-07-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

INGREDIENT

Zucchini : 1 (12 oz)
Green onion : 1 stalk
Red pepper : 1/2 piece
Garlic : 2 cloves
Sesame oil : 1 tb
Sesame seed, roasted : 1 ts
Salad oil : 1 tb

METHOD

1. Cut the zucchini lengthwise in half and slice it in the shape of half-moon about 1/4 inch thick.
2. Dip the sliced zucchinis in salt water for about 5 minutes and drain them well.
3. Chop the green onion, crush the garlic finely, and cut the red pepper into large pieces.
4. Heat the salad oil in a pan. Cook the zucchini. Add the green onion and the garlic.
5. When well done, remove them from heat. Add the red pepper and remaining sauce, then mix
them well by hand. Transfer it to a serving plate.

Cooking Time : 20 mins
Total Calories : 240 kcal
Serving Size : 4

Korean food recipes-Stuffed-Cucumber Pickle - Oi Sobaki

2009-07-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

INGREDIENT

Cucumber : 10 (6 oz each)
Leek : 2 oz
Hot pepper powder : 1/2 cup
Green onion : 1 stalk
Garlic : 4 cloves
Ginger : 1 piece
Salted baby shrimps, chopped : 1 tb (available in Korean stores, optional)
Salt

METHOD

1. Wash the cucumbers scrubbing with salt. Cut them into 2 inches long. Make a crosswise cut
about 1.5 inches deep in each piece.
2. Dissolve 4 tablespoonfuls of salt in 4 cups of water. Soak the cucumbers for about 30 minutes
in the salted water. Squeeze them with gauze or paper towel to drain water thoroughly.
3. Wash and cut the leeks 1 inch long.
4. Crush garlic. Chop green onion, ginger, and salted baby shrimps.
5. Put the hot pepper powder, leeks, green onion, garlic, ginger, salted baby shrimps, and salt in
a large bowl. Mix them well by hand, using rubber gloves.
6. Stuff each cucumber piece with the mixture. Place them neatly in a jar. Put the remaining
stuffing on the them.
7. Keep in a cool place for one day, then serve.

Cooking Time : 40 mins
Total Calories : 30 kcal
Serving Size : 4

The Atheist Watermelon

2009-07-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

When a man discovers a very clear message after slicing open a watermelon, clearly the image of Jesus Christ on a piece of toast has been one-upped.

Two zebras pondering

2009-07-09T01:51:00.000-07:00

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Only three doors

2009-07-09T01:41:00.000-07:00

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

New prefix

2009-07-09T01:40:00.000-07:00

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

Glad to be drunk

2009-07-09T01:37:00.000-07:00

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Girls night out

2009-07-09T01:09:00.001-07:00

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Relationship Joke

2009-07-09T01:04:00.001-07:00

0 to 200 in 6 seconds Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Carstianity

2009-06-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

"Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo."

Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton.

I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler.

He is the Alfa and the Romeo.

He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras.

He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged.

Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee.

If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos.

He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta."

He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross.

But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza.

Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk.

He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals.

Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle.

Subaru Goo dwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder."

Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo!

Really Good Deed

2009-06-30T07:37:00.001-07:00

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

Seventeenth Chapter

2009-06-30T07:35:00.001-07:00

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

the big flood

2009-06-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?" God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

Men Quotes

2009-06-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Madonna

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
Rita Rudner

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Judy Tenuta

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
Gwyneth Paltrow

You've been programming too long when

2009-06-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

Need Samples

2009-06-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Lindsay Lohan

2009-01-29T06:26:00.001-08:00

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Maria Sharapova

2009-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

Maria Yuryevna Sharapova is a Russian tennis player.Sharapova s parents moved from Homyel,Belarus,to Siberia,Russia, in 1986,after the Chernobyl nuclear accident.She was born the following year in Nyagan, Russia.At seven,Sharapova was brought to the United States by her father,Yuri Sharapov,to attend the Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy in Bradenton,Florida.Her mother,Yelena,who could not come with them because of visa restrictions,followed a few years later.Sharapova has lived in the United States since then but retains her Russian citizenship.In 2002,Maria bought a beach home in Manhattan Beach,California,a suburb of Los Angeles,But lives most of the year near the IMG training facility in Bradenton.

Date of birth:04. 19. 1987
Residence:Bradenton, Florida. USA
Height:62
Weight: 59
Plays:Right-handed

Dinara Safina

2009-01-28T17:22:00.001-08:00

Biography

Dinara Safina was born on April 27, 1986, in Moscow. She is the daughter of Rauza and Mikhail, respectively coach and ex tennis junior champion, and owner of the "Spartak Tennis Club". The little girl grew up on the courts, hitting her first balls at 3 years old and starting to seriously practice at 8.

But it didn't take so long for the youngest of the Safin family to show particular dispositions for tennis. Dinara, accompanied by her mother, joined her brother in Valencia, Spain, 5 years after making her debut. She learned spanish in only a few months. Here, she developed a powerful and smart game, full of craziness and touch... a tennis of inspiration which turns out to be a treat for the eyes of the public.

Immediately, she gets talked about : In junior firstly, where she finished 1st in her category; and also on the professional tour by reaching the semis of her 1st WTA tournament. She captured her first WTA Tour title at Sopot, becoming first qualifier to do so in nearly three years and youngest champion in four years at age 16 years, three months.

» Profil

Name : Dinara Mikhailovna Safina
Date of Birth : Sunday, April 27, 1986
Birthplace : Moscou (Russia)
Residence : Moscou (Russia)
Ethnicity : Tatar
Religion : Muslim, never practicing
Height : 5'11 1/2'' (1m 82)
Weight : 154 lbs (70 kg)
Status : Turned pro 2000
Coached :
Trained : Valencia, Spain
Plays : Right-handed - (two-handed backhand)
Favorite surface : Clay
Racket : Babolat Pure Control Zylon
Strings : Ballistic Polymono 130
Sponsored : Adidas & Babolat

» Details

* Favorite sport (no tennis) : Football - Real Madrid
* Favorite color : black
* Favorite flowers : rose
* Favorite food : Russian, Italian et Japanese
* Favorite hobbies : cinema, reading and listening to music
* Tennis ambition : "Try to do all my best"